Stress and Blog Issues

Lately, there has been an overwhelming amount of stress in my life. Not only with other school work, but personal issues have arisen that have made my focus wander away from this project. However, I'm going to get back on track starting today in order to utilize the rest of time I have effectively. The extra two days that were generously given by my lovely teacher are much appreciated on my behalf and I will be making good use of them.
In other news, I just realized as I was looking at my blog that one of my posts that I had published last Sunday titled "A Start of Filmingish" was suddenly saved as a draft. This freaked me out of course, because I had published it and even showed said post to fellow classmates during our group discussion. And when I did open the draft, the most amazing thing occurred: half of what I had originally wrote in the post was suddenly gone. Disappearing like some sort of cruel magician's joke, the post had somehow, without my knowledge, reverted back to the original draft.
Also, in case all of this seems as though I'm just a bad student trying to get away with doing no work, here is a screenshot of my blog postings. Notice how the "A Start of Filmingish" is saved as a draft yet, six people have viewed it. That is because it was published up until it was somehow reverted either yesterday or today.

I immediately panicked after seeing this and went straight to the internet for help. However, most of the methods I tried for recovering the lost post yielded no results. I am utterly lost on what I should do next and honestly, quite dejected over the matter. Tomorrow, I'll talk to my teacher about this but, the outcome will most likely be that I have to redo the post and publish it again. The thing that bothers me though is the fact that I've lost the date I published the post on so it will only look like I did two posts for that week. I really hope I can resolve this matter though.

A Start of Filmingish

Thus, begins the first steps of the actual production. And with it comes an overwhelming feeling of just how big this project is going to be. It's a nerve-wracking yet exciting experience because I want to portray all my ideas in a fluent manner that would be easy to comprehend by the audience.
So, I began taking composition shots of certain scenes to see how everything would look like. I couldn't work with the main actress today because of scheduling conflicts. Seeing as how we're both seniors in high school, issues in when we can shoot will always come up. However, we will definitely begin filming the character's parts of the film early next week. I would like to have all my filming done by the end of next week so that I can have ample time to edit. 

As for the shots I took today, they will be used in the beginning of the intro, right when the camera enters the main character's room. These object in the shots are things that can be found in the girl's room in order for the audience to get to know the character's personality. As well as building a connection with the main protagonist, the stills taken will also allude to the tone of the film and what it might be about. Additionally, these shots will be utilized to insert the intro credits.

One example of this technique is the shot shown below. There is high key lighting that envelops the focus of the picture which is the pill bottle. The contradiction of the lighting and an object with dark implications hints at a major plot point of the film: mental illness being hidden and disguised under a happy facade. It also aids in the audience further understanding the character. Because there is a focus on the pill bottle, the viewers can assume that there is something physically wrong with the character and alludes to her mental disorder. 

An Interview

For further research, instead of scavenging the internet for information, I wanted to get a more humanistic point of view on what mental illness can be like on a person. Thus, I decided to go to a place that feeds mental illness: the American school system. Seeing as how stress can be a trigger to mental illness, it isn't surprising to hear that 50-70% of adolescents suffer from anxiety, impulse control, and hyperactivity disorders. And one of these stressors can be from the high demand of school or work. For that reason, I interviewed a couple of my friends in order to see how mental disorders affect them.

Interview with G

I: What mental illnesses do you have?
G: I have obsessive compulsive disorder.

I: When were you diagnosed?
G: I was diagnosed with it last year.

I: What are some of the symptoms you have?
G: Intrusive thoughts, irritability, and repetitive behavior.

I: What is it like on a daily basis?
G: On a daily basis it's like, I don't know, feeling like nothing you do is ever complete.

I: Is there any stereotypes that you have faced because of your disorder?
G: People usually ask if I'm super organized all the time.

I: How do you feel about the mental disorders are portrayed in media such as films, shows, news?
G: The media never portrays people with OCD correctly because we're not all just neat freaks.


Interview with A

I:What mental illnesses do you have?

A:  Schizophrenia

When were you diagnosed?

A: When I was a little kid.

What are some of the symptoms you have?

A: Dissolution with reality, voices, hallucinations.

What is it like on a daily basis?

A: It's very intense and unnerving. You're constantly in a loop of trying to understand your own surroundings.

Is there any stereotypes that you have faced because of your disorder?

A: Most [stereotypes] make people with Schizophrenia look like people just hear voices all the time.

How do you feel about the mental disorders are portrayed in media such as films, shows, news?

A:  It's upsetting to see films play these characters as murderous who hear voices to tell them to kill their family. Most people with schizophrenia are at greater risk to themselves than others.


Iliades, C., MD. (2013, April 29). Stress May Trigger Mental Illness and Depression In Teens. Retrieved March 25, 2017, from http://www.everydayhealth.com/depression/stress-may-trigger-mental-illness-and-depression-in-teens.aspx

Professional Endeavors

As I'm creating an actual film, I've come to think that I should have some formalistic elements to further express the emotions that the main character is experiencing. And so I have come to the conclusion that I absolutely and direly need a green screen. However, I must find a way to do it on a very low budget. Even though I live in Weston, a suburban bubble filled with rich families, I am also a first time filmmaker making my expenses limited for this project.
First of all, my inspiration for using a green screen to express the mood of the story was propelled by a small and overrated show known as Stranger Things. Yes, I'm being sarcastic. Stranger Things has incredible cinematography that would make any film enthusiast's mouth water. In one particular scene, the character Eleven is mentally in another plane of existence. The setting is shown as a pitch black area. This background adds a disturbing and horror element to the story which is something I would like to convey in my intro film.

Stranger Things

"Green screening" or chroma keying has to with a subject being in front of a solid-colored screen. Then, during post-production, the background digitally removed. It is important that the color of the screen isn't similar to the subject's complexion or their clothing so that is can easily be taken out. After the extraction, a different background can be easily added in.

In order to create a similar effect to that of Stranger Things at of course a low budget cost, I will need to buy a large solid-colored cloth. What I could also do is find a room with a colored walls that meet the the requirements and film there. All in all, I'm excited to start working on the production of my project.

Green Screen

 How To Create A Green Screen On A Budget. (2014, September 18). Retrieved March 23, 2017, from https://www.nyfa.edu/student-resources/how-to-create-a-green-screen-on-a-budget/

Finalized Casting and Characterization

I was starting to worry that I would have to cast myself as the director and main actress since my pool of actors is very limited. But now I won't look like a complete narcissist since my lovely friend Jania Gomez will be playing the main character named Joyce.
The reasoning behind this choice in name is to create an ironic tension between the character's mental state and character. Since the character is going through a depressive state of mind that is hidden by her false facade of happiness, the name Joyce fits perfectly.
Here is a sketch of what I imagine the main character would look like. She is perfectly average in almost every way. Her sense of style does not make her stand out in a crowd, but that's how she wants it to be. Wearing a jacket, blue jeans and sneakers is her outfit of choice to wherever she may go.
Also, I am currently working on the script in terms of dialogue. As for the ending, I have decided that the end of the intro will have Joyce leave the room and pretend to be happy with everything even though the audience knows that is not the case.

Something of a Plan?

I actually have an idea to what the intro of my film is going to be like! At last! Rejoice!  This is a really rough sketch of my story. Extra emphasis on really because my hands were not created for the purpose of drawing.

So the story begins in a room. There is a wide shot of the window with a couch that has several articles of clothing thrown on top of it. There will be high key lighting coming out from the window. As the scene progresses, it then shows a girl sitting on the floor of her closet. There will be a definite contrast in the way it was before with the lighting. Compared to earlier shots, the ones of the girl will be darker in order to create mood. Close ups of the girl reveal that she is shaking. However, the audience does not see the girl's full face since her hair will be in the way. A point of view shot show the girl's hands are also trembling with her nervously moving them. This is followed by a close up and then a shot of some of the things in the girl's room like books. Another close up, this time extreme, leads to the still shot of a poster on a wall. These seemingly random shots of the objects in the girl's room are meant to elucidate more on what this character is like. It could also serve to connect the audience to the main character since it is demonstrating her personality within the items featured.

The rest of the time remaining will exhibit what it feels like to have a panic attack. With the reliance of sound and camera shots, I'll be able to create a realistic portrayal of what it is like. I was also thinking of going a formalistic route by creating a character that would represent the girl's anxiety and depression. As for the end, I have two different scenarios that require further thinking of. One is where the end would be her continuing to have a panic attack. The other idea is to have the main character walk out of the room and look completely happy. 

The former ending to the intro would be used to show that mental illness can hide even in people who look "normal." I put the word normal in quotations because normalities are relative to each individual's perspective. However, I want to challenge the general stereotype that people with mental illnesses are sad, weird, and crazy all the time because that is simply not true. Nearly one out of five Americans, about 18.2%, suffer from a mental disorder. It's more common than people would think. The reason being that most people hide their disorders because of the stigma that comes with it. With my film, I want to break the stigma that has followed mental illnesses for a very long time.

 Bekiempis, V. (2014, March 04). Nearly 1 in 5 Americans Suffers From Mental Illness Each Year. Retrieved March 18, 2017, from http://www.newsweek.com/nearly-1-5-americans-suffer-mental-illness-each-year-230608

Hedgcoth, C. H., Jr. (2016, July 17). Hiding Behind a Secret: The Stigma of the Mentally Ill. Retrieved March 18, 2017, from https://psychcentral.com/lib/hiding-behind-a-secret-the-stigma-of-the-mentally-ill/

The Very Beginning

As I have done research on the topic that I want to portray, I've realized that my project is going to be dark. I don't intend on glossing over the reality that comes with mental illness. But, my goal with the intro is also to connect the viewers to the character, get to know her, see the struggle that she is going through, and sympathize for her.
One change that I have already made is that the main character will suffer from an anxiety disorder as well as depression. In many cases, depression and anxiety disorders are intertwined as one can be the cause for the other. When a person is diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, the amount of stress they go through with that illness can lead them to long periods of intense sadness and pessimistic views of the future. This in turn can happen vice versa.
For the film, the audience will witness one aspect that comes with depression and anxiety disorders: panic attacks. A panic attack is defined as "sudden feeling of acute a disabling anxiety." It us much more than this though. When a person suffers from a panic attack, they feel as if their whole world is collapsing around them. Because of these emotions, this person may feel as if they are going crazy and possibly that they are dying. It is a completely terrifying experience that can come on without warning.
Symptoms include

•  increase in heart rate
•  faintness/dizziness
• chest pains
• feeling sweaty or chilly
• trembling  
• numbness or tingling
• Nausea 

Panic Attacks

Panic Attack Symptoms. (n.d.). Retrieved March 17, 2017, from http://www.webmd.com/anxiety-panic/guide/panic-attack-symptoms

Symptoms. (n.d.). Retrieved March 17, 2017, from https://www.adaa.org/understanding-anxiety/panic-disorder-agoraphobia/symptoms

Tracy, N. (n.d.). The Line between Anxiety and Depression. Retrieved March 17, 2017, from http://healthyplace.com/anxiety-panic/articles/line-between-anxiety-and-depression/